tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25819717952041637142024-03-13T14:53:46.126-07:00Tom AlexanderAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09628374664785964053noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2581971795204163714.post-27934091116913768912014-05-11T11:43:00.002-07:002014-05-11T11:44:40.579-07:00<br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Nobody Likes A Try Hard</b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I have recently made a breakthrough. It happened while sitting on the terrace of a bar facing the beach at Tangier, the spot where Tennessee Williams got down a first draft of that masterpiece of neurosis, Cat On A Tin Roof. Perhaps the perceptive old soak had left some writerly energy behind, hovering there in front of a view of beach and sea and modest cranes and rubble. I put pen to paper. The old man having a pub lunch with his friends, I finally knew what he is going to order. Salmon. He wants the salmon. And then I went on scribbling, telling myself I could go on. It's foolhardy really: the choice of salmon just doesn't ring true.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I would love to say that I'm a published writer and sit back and finish my drink. I would love not to have to tell you that I'm trying. Trying my best. Like those poor schoolkids who only ever get high marks for effort.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">You can see Morocco from the Spanish town of Tarifa. You stand by the sea and think about how that's Africa you can see over there, presenting itself in a rocky horizon. A mountain sits on a cushion of mist. You can see the rocky detail of shrub and shadow. You think: if I'm supposed to be a writer, then I need to describe this. Your mind goes blank, as it does every time you have this thought. I would like to be a painter, so that I might fuss over my palette until I got the exact nuances of the colours of the sea. I would like to live by the sea for a year and learn how to write about it. Can you get grants for such things? That's Morocco over there. I tried not to worry about whether I'd locked the door to the flat properly, tried not to ponder what it is that I'll have forgotten to do at work, tried to forget about Easyjet. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">We took the giant catamaran, a powerful beast that got us to the other side in a mere 35 minutes. At least it wasn't a plane. I spent the journey standing on the deck, scanning the sea for dolphins or whales. I saw one, a dolphin. I saw the dark shimmery back of its body, saw its tail, a quick splash back into the water. Had it jumped out when I wasn't looking in the right place? Did I wishfully hallucinate this animal? The animal we put on posters with quotes about how there are some nice things in life, it was the same colour as the water it slipped into, dark and somehow like glass. A good omen, I hoped. I am still hoping.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">After a day largely spent in a happy daze wandering the streets of the city, getting lost in the medina, feeling floaty and unsure of what thoughts were trying to get at me, I found myself sitting in a small bar with my two friends. It was a favourite haunt of Francis Bacon, back in the days when Tangier was a hotbed of bohemian licentiousness, and the ink flowed. Another fascinating old soak. When you enter that state where you're trying to remember what it was you were worrying about, it is liberating to imagine that upper-crust wheeze with which Bacon used to release his honest and uncompromising pronouncements. If you want to be normal, whatever that is, then please go ahead, but if you don't, if you're not cut out for it, then don't get involved with normal worries. The thoughts that had been sneaking up behind me on my stroll through the city, hassling me like a needy tout but unable to say anything precise, they were about the future. Normal worries, and very boring too.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">At least I have the salmon. Satisfactions can be relative. Someone should have told Mick Jagger about that. Although I very much get where he was coming from. We live in a world where the spaces that can be filled with troublesome knowledge are proliferating. It is very interesting to have reached the mythical sounding age of thirty-seven and to see where the arbiters of normality propose I should be. Two years ago I read an article in The Guardian telling me that I had reached the optimum age at which to be alive. As if this concept were not depressing enough in its own right, the thing was published in the Money section. At thirty five you have reached milestones like buying a house and having children, and those children don't need quite so much looking after anymore, and you're financially secure and still have the excitement of getting to the peak of your career ahead of you. That happens when you're thirty nine. It seems I have little choice but to whole-heartedly shun any normative concepts of adult progression. I'll have to try something else. Yes, try.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">We stayed in a hotel in the medina in Fes. It was just around the corner from the butchery section. After nearly witnessing the swift end of a squawking white cockerel, I soon found a way of avoiding this part of town. An old town it is, a labyrinth of narrow alleyways barely touched by the sun but hot with the fug of humans and other animals. Donkeys are dragged through the bustle, laden with goods or waste, kittens munch on a chicken's head, food gets piled up, things are put on sale, leather flavours the walls, spaces open up and trees appear, and then it narrows down again and you get lost and a disordered chorus of voices ask you where you want to go. This is the thrill of trapped exploration. You say very little but your mind buzzes. Looked at from above this sprawl of chaotic maze is massive.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">And it makes you think. This medieval city offers a metaphor, one that makes you want to sit down and catch your breath. It tells you about the sickening labyrinthine repetition of thought. In the rhythm of your footsteps forceful questions get asked: what are you going to do? How are you going to survive? When are you going to write that book? How? What are they going to do once the old man has ordered his salmon? When? How? Will there come a day when you admit that you've been kidding yourself all along?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">This might be why nobody likes a try hard. They make us long for ease and space. When we read a book or listen to a song, we don't want the smell of factory fumes, we want something sublime and self-forgetful. What is it you're walking past whilst getting gnawed by thoughts? It is people living by their wits; it is colour and energy, the accidental byproducts of the struggle for survival. The old man fiddling with something small and electronic, white sparks dancing near his hands, is long past the age when we're supposed to reach the pinnacle of our careers. It is unlikely that such a concept will ever infect the minds of the grubby kids who offer us a cheery 'bonjour.' At five in the morning we are briefly awoken by the call to prayer from the nearby mosque. The sound is intense, staticky and deeply earnest. I understand the appeal of religion, of ritual: it can be a way of paying respect to a slippery but demanding part of ourselves. Perhaps it is our imaginations demanding to be fed. Perhaps we should just call it our hunger for art. The word is pliable- stretch it whichever way you wish.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">One more thing as I struggle to bring this ramble to a close. I recently joined a group on Facebook called 52, which provides a different prompt for each week of the year and is an excellent opportunity for experimentation, especially for a lazy soul like me. Some of the poems I've posted on the blogs were responses to these prompts. I've had some very constructive feedback. It makes me long for a patient editor all of my own. If you've read this far, you'll understand why. While I was in Morocco, the prompt was to write on the subject of 'names.' I tried. What I produced felt small and mean, faint-hearted. And I think that's because I strained, made too much effort, was too conscious about the whole thing. There's a reason why so many writers (and artists, like our hungover friend, Mr Bacon) get working very early in the morning and take advantage of their dozing states of mind.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I wanted to get this written before I start back at work. It is a wandering ramble like the warrenous medina at Fes. This writing is work I have chosen for myself. To do it satisfactorily, I have to step away from modern assumptions. Too many targets and you end up shooting yourself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Thus life as a foreigner suits me well. Today is Sunday, it sways with ambivalence. Instead of fretting about the things I'll find out I've forgotten to do, I'm going to take my notebook to a cafe, sit and sweat, write what happens next now the old man has opted for the salmon. Hopefully I'll keeping going until I get to the stage where I can cut that whole section out. It's worth a try.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09628374664785964053noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2581971795204163714.post-19456044495114158672014-04-30T07:33:00.002-07:002014-04-30T07:36:39.568-07:00<br />
Bird Strike<br />
<br />
We need them to arrive like moving ink from the sky<br />
<br />
We need them to gather tiny bits of us in their beaks<br />
<br />
We need them to be all shapes and sizes, fights put on hold<br />
<br />
We need them to grab our clothing, hair and skin, it´ll hurt<br />
<br />
We need them to pull us up from the streets of the yawning capital<br />
<br />
We need them to carry us up above the trees and the continuing windows<br />
<br />
We need them to keep lifting, so that we see all those towers from above<br />
<br />
We need them to carry us out of the smog and over our building sites, up to the aeroplanes<br />
<br />
We need them to carry us, screaming and laughing, no doubt wetting ourselves, along through the sky-smears of vapour trails<br />
<br />
We need them to make us hover near great twirling engines, make us hear that great noise, see a middle-aged man chomp on a sandwich, he hasn´t been lifted into the sky by birds<br />
<br />
We need them to teach us what it means to shit over the land whilst riding the invisible concourse of thermals, waves and particles, differing slabs of curving land not as important as the sea, not from up here, no, and we forget our guns<br />
<br />
We need them to take us up and along and through the most terrifying party we have ever been to, us, all of us who happened to be on the streets of London at that particular hour on a Tuesday morning, a party that will stay beating in our breasts long after the birds have wiped our memories and set us safely back down, sore, pecked and confused, beating in our breasts til we dieAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09628374664785964053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2581971795204163714.post-55235530817883087002014-04-21T14:23:00.000-07:002014-04-21T14:24:02.161-07:00<br />
Two poems about throwaway objects<br />
<br />
Chewing Gum Wrapper<br />
<br />
See that chewing gum wrapper<br />
With its metallic sheen,<br />
Its papery underside,<br />
Its serrated edge,<br />
See it down there on the cobbles<br />
Neighboured by fresh dog shit,<br />
Discarded paper glinting in the Seville sun.<br />
<br />
If it were an animal,<br />
It would be a kind of lizard,<br />
One leg stretched towards the light,<br />
Warming its blood perhaps<br />
Or frightened by my presence,<br />
Both standing there, staring, free of will.<br />
A glinting lizard under the sweating sun.<br />
<br />
If it were human,<br />
It would be in dire need<br />
But instead, it suggests an owner<br />
That I almost want to hate.<br />
This rejected scrap, baby shadowed,<br />
Dropped by a hand that simply doesn't care-<br />
Shoes tapped away from it, human heads unturned.<br />
<br />
The lizard catches my eye and winks.<br />
The humans have their money and concerns,<br />
Their losses too.<br />
But me, I've got a lizard.<br />
<br />
......<br />
<br />
Contact<br />
<br />
'Is this a contact lens?'<br />
The shock of seeing it there,<br />
Curled upon her fingertip,<br />
An approximation of sight,<br />
A small transparent skin,<br />
Plastic, peeled from the eyeball<br />
And resting against the swirls<br />
Of lines that show who his wife is.<br />
A symbolic eye spying<br />
On their marriage. A shock<br />
Of memory- the strange woman<br />
Snapping at her own eyes. Needing<br />
To get something out. Like she was<br />
Being bitten. The lens tells of mascara,<br />
Splayed lashes, puffy faces on a hushed<br />
And secretive morning. The nausea.<br />
Lick the eye and remove the fly.<br />
Is his wife doing that now?<br />
'But neither of us wears them.'<br />
Her fingertip blinks.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09628374664785964053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2581971795204163714.post-6534843766405596192014-04-07T06:58:00.002-07:002014-04-07T07:01:16.876-07:00Acceptance<br />
<br />
The greying woman stands in the shallows, her shoes wet.<span class="text_exposed_show"><br /> Waves play cold liquid games with her legs. Clouds curl.<br /> A fish swims up. It wears her lover’s face.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="text_exposed_show">
When she awakes she puts the radio on. Voices, cold light, no music. <br />
She showers, chooses her clothes. Imagines changing her hair.<br />
Appearances almost matter. Her car is clean.<br />
<br />
In the classroom her face is caressed by an occasional sea breeze.<br />
She stands at the board and remembers numbers and lines.<br />
There is a boy with the face of a fish. She carries on.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09628374664785964053noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2581971795204163714.post-3555528826131908442014-03-31T14:14:00.000-07:002014-04-01T03:40:29.762-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; tab-stops: 36.0pt center 225.65pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Rain</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;">or</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;">I Think My Repeat Prescription's Getting Damp</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">May I speak to you, rain? Will you grant
me an audience? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">There are confessions to be made, rain.
Down on one knee, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; tab-stops: 36.0pt center 225.65pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">head bent- will you listen to me? Oh
rain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">You see, rain, you have been mistreated.
I shake. You have<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">been mocked, oh mighty moving water. And
will you please<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; tab-stops: 36.0pt center 225.65pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">listen to me? Even if only briefly? Oh
rain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Games are played with your name, rain.
You give us a drop<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">and we call it a shame. We make short
rhymes and tell you to<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">go away. And there has to be another
day. Oh rain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We cliché you, rain. Can you countenance
this? We cat and dog<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">you; we say that you pour; we say that
you piss. Take yourself away <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">and it’s all quickly amiss. We dance and
kill. Oh rain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Names are given, small categories. You
are light and heavy, shower<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">and drizzle, spits and spots, deluge,
monsoon- cloud-riddles. We <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">quiver. Can you be tamed with a name? Oh
rain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I’ve heard at burials your visit can
bring luck. To others you’re a reckoning, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">come to destroy those of us stuck in
sin, so bad, rotten within. Each of us due <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">to drown like a rat. We made up a story
about that. Oh rain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I could point to your homophones:
holding horses and toddlers, guarding<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">thrones. But, rain, I’ll desist. On one
knee, I’ll insist, just a few seconds<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">more. The cascading depths, the awe! Oh
rain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">You see, I know what you feel when you
let yourself go- little mankind<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">rushing to, rushing fro, as if we
actually had somewhere to go. And dreaming <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">of control. You splash us awake and let
us know. Oh rain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">When you come, rain, the earth smells
good, it really does. You celebrate<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">the frog, unearth the worm. But why the
rumble, now? Do you think I am trying <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; tab-stops: 36.0pt center 225.65pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">to assay you? On the sodden street,
outside a law firm? Oh rain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; tab-stops: 36.0pt center 225.65pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; tab-stops: 36.0pt center 225.65pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Rain, all the chemists are closed. Are
you something I dream up in the sponge<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; tab-stops: 36.0pt center 225.65pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">hours imposed this Sunday, bloating and
thick? And please, one more thing<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">to say. If I rhyme you with pain, will
you wash it away? Oh </span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09628374664785964053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2581971795204163714.post-81480757274421558532014-03-24T04:21:00.000-07:002014-03-24T12:32:27.267-07:00<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
Our narrator has recently moved to an unnamed eastern European city in order to write his great work. He is waiting for inspiration:<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">...I had been born with an aristocratic older lady
tethered to my insides. I didn’t need <o:p></o:p>too much external verification.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> When
I was twelve, stumbling into the horrors of puberty, reeling from the
revelation <o:p></o:p>of Will’s unclad torso glimpsed in the changing
rooms, I came to realise that I needed </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">to protect myself. I made a decision: I would never
attempt to be of the body. Physical beauty </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">belonged only in the realms of extreme fantasy.
Whatever caresses I might come by in my </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">life, they would never equal the sight of a
bare-chested school bully. I knew this, accepted it </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">and made my decision- I would never be of the body.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> I
considered Stephen the best I could hope for.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> I
am not ashamed of the time we spent together. Stephen is now a very successful <o:p></o:p>man, quite the celebrity in his own milieu. I could
boast a bit if I had the heart. I don’t.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Lonely,
I struggled into my second month in the city, continuing to hide in my flat, <o:p></o:p>still clinging to a little hope. I imagined my book
unfolding. I walked from room to room <o:p></o:p>clutching at ideas, all ephemeral, all sickeningly
dull given a minute’s consideration. My real <o:p></o:p>energies went into the construction of fantasies
that were far from literary, their purpose <o:p></o:p>being to keep me from teetering over into total despair.
Ever since childhood I had done this: <o:p></o:p>imagined life rather than lived it. In my early
months in the new foreign city I returned to this <o:p></o:p>hobby with gusto. I would walk around my flat talking to myself. My eyes open but my mind <o:p></o:p>elsewhere.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> There
were restrictions in place. The imaginings had to be within the realms of <o:p></o:p>possibility.This still allowed me plenty of scope.
Thus I daydreamed of myself made <o:p></o:p>respectable, respected and popular by my literary
achievements. Famed for my soirees, I <o:p></o:p>attracted the artistic and intellectual elite from
all over Europe to my tastefully furnished <o:p></o:p>abode and served cocktails amid witty banter dressed
in a green velvet smoking jacket. Very <o:p></o:p>Wildean, I thought- my diluted approximation of the
man (I could barely even drink back <o:p></o:p>then). I pictured titled people in my sitting room:
Duke, Duchess, Earl. Walking through <o:p></o:p>fields in tweeds, shotgun over one arm, turned
suddenly unsqueemish, I saw myself at <o:p></o:p>Sandringham, invited the for the Boxing Day shoot.
Such fantasies were fine.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> But
the aforementioned bully was out. He had no place in my conscious thoughts. <o:p></o:p>Many years ago I had banished him to that wheedling
limbo very close to sleep, where he <o:p></o:p>would sometimes appear. Then it would be sticky
pyjama bottoms again. Once more the <o:p></o:p>scrubbing of the stubborn spot.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> How
sure I was of my ability to transcend such seedy matters! I really thought I
was <o:p></o:p>meant for higher things.</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09628374664785964053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2581971795204163714.post-61333021672937207962014-03-18T03:46:00.000-07:002014-03-18T03:48:31.907-07:00Brocced Up<br />
<b>Brocced Up</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Last night I was a badger.<br />
With a hot mouth<br />
Of sharp teeth,<br />
I steamed<br />
Against the moon,<br />
And ran.<br />
I felt cold, ploughed soil;<br />
I ran in dips and grooves;<br />
I didn't know<br />
Where I was supposed to go.<br />
Heavy feet<br />
Shook the ground.<br />
The chase was on,<br />
My blood was up,<br />
My mouth was gasping<br />
In the night.<br />
<br />
Today I can still feel it-<br />
A trace of badgerness<br />
Held inside my suit,<br />
A badger taste<br />
To things.<br />
Straightening<br />
My tie, I feel<br />
Bristled, newly furred.<br />
Colleagues sniff and<br />
I want to growl.<br />
In the office<br />
I can sense<br />
Cold earth<br />
Around me,<br />
Moonfed nighttime<br />
And death.<br />
<br />
There is something grubby<br />
Moving in my<br />
Toasted panini.<br />
There is cool<br />
Mud on my tie.<br />
An itch<br />
In my ear<br />
Brings crumbled earth<br />
To my finger.<br />
My sides<br />
Dream of the<br />
Safety of the sett.<br />
I'm sitting in my car, the day done,<br />
And I don't know<br />
Where I'm supposed to go.<br />
<br />
Marksman, dog, hatchling, hedgehog... where's home?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09628374664785964053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2581971795204163714.post-13406150229830421792014-03-12T05:19:00.002-07:002014-03-12T06:53:47.598-07:00<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Departure<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> The earth hugs us to it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> The sky is a blue force<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Turning our days,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Pulling the sea, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Dragging the globe <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Through its circles,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Making our blood move-<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> And the earth holds us close.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> The trees hold us in.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> The sky isn’t blue:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> It’s black and white,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> It’s birth and death.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Sometimes we feel<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Like we’re in the sky,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Slowly diminishing in size<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Balloons lost from children’s hands.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> The sky informs our dreams,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Our aspirations.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> We paint it and angel it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Heaven’s up there,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> God, gods, the good<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> And the universe too-<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Vast stretching answers <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> To our tortured questions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> When we trip up<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> In our dreams<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> And our heart<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Wakes us up,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Our body jumps <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Out of death.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> It jumps over <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> The gap, the space<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> The emptiness <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> That nearly took us-<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> The big blue sky.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> We hold each other in place.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> In the departure lounge<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> We sigh and tut<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> But in the aching space<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Above the clouds,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> In the infinite idea of blue- <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Hands, unearthed, clutch hands,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> In the cold truth of the endless sky
within.</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09628374664785964053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2581971795204163714.post-33992606415721558332014-03-09T15:06:00.002-07:002014-03-12T05:05:09.422-07:00<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<br />
Our narrator has a social engagement. A significant suggestion is about to be made:<br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">They had been kind to invite me, but I had clearly
bored them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">When
I walked out of the bathroom I saw that they were kissing. An open-mouthed, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">sloppy, head-tilting kiss: a snog. It didn’t last
long. The sound of my footstep forced them <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">apart with an awkward jerk. Paul made to stand up:
“Coffee, Smithy?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Um,”
hot with embarrassment, I couldn’t form the words I needed to refuse, “I, erm, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">ah.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Magda
leapt out of her chair. “I will make,” she said and sauntered off.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I
resumed my place at the table. Two seconds of quiet, and Paul raised his eyes
to <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">meet mine.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“It’s
love, Smithy, it really is. And it’s the best bloody feeling in the whole
bloody <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">world. Sometimes I can’t believe it’s happening to
me.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He
paused in the way drunk people do, to gaze at one like a fool, face heavily <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">hanging, eyes confused. I was his audience, perhaps
he was checking the response. This was <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">a man who had taken pity on me in the staffroom when
we had worked together, deploying a <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">safely-contained altruism, one that was brief and
easy to escape. Now he was bored by me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He must have been.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">A
few chance circumstances had bumped us along into a potion which could loosely <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">be termed friendship. I really couldn’t say how many
years had passed since that percolator-<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">fumed moment when I had gingerly placed a fresh copy
of Stephen’s magazine into the <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">expressionless jaws of my pigeon hole. ‘Stop right
there!’ Oh, I’d heard him plenty of times <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">before talking too loudly, never quite drawing a
corresponding level of ebullience from his <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">interlocutor. One hears, cringes and turns away,
faintly embarrassed, faintly besmirched. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">‘Stop right there,’ (repeated), ‘is that a Mahler
special I see?’ He knew my name but asked <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">me to say it to him once more, a disheartening
ritual performed beneath strip lighting and <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">polystyrene squares, my existence in that space
slightly verified by a baffling, baffled man <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">who shouts the word ‘friend’ a few times too often
to be believed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Watching
that drunken old face; he couldn’t have truly <i>wanted</i> to spend time with <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">me! The concept was a neurotic’s joke.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He
snapped his eyes away from mine and said: “So Smithy, let’s talk about you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">How’s the writing going? I expect you’ve been locked
up in that flat of yours for days at a <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">time, scribbling away, or should I say typing? I’ve
always known you had it in you. That <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">head of yours,” (he pointed a wavering finger at my
thin curls), “has always had something <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">special in it. You’re a quiet man, but that’s the
key, right? Watch, listen, remember, taking it <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">all in. I bet your insights are...quite something.”
He clapped his hands with a small laugh. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“The city has her very own Proust.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Proust?
Why Proust? But yes, if ever I spoke in the staffroom, it had been about my <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">writing: my plans to escape and fulfill my potential.
Trying to give the impression, with great <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">subtlety I had hoped, that genius lurked within me.
Now I was paying for that occasional, no <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">rare, loquacity with these questions. My pen and
paper lying on the desk in my flat like an <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">accusation; the pile of notebooks full of false
beginnings; my long days spent fantasising <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">behind a safely-locked door- Christ, this man
thought I’d actually been doing something! I <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">had paid my air fare and rented a flat in order to
hide away in a country other than my own. I <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">found the strength to lie:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Things
aren’t going too badly.” My voice separated from its source and hovered <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">above the table cloth. “I’m working on something
that might have...potential.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Too
modest, Smithy, too modest!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“To
be honest, I don’t like discussing it. I don’t mean to cause offence. It’s just
that I <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">don’t want to jinx the” (why oh why?) “ project. I
suppose I’m a little superstitious.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“You’re an artist my friend,” he said
softly, “and an artist has his own prerogative.”<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I felt that his hand wanted to tap my knee, but I
was too far away for him to reach. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Magda brought me a delicate cup of fragrant coffee.
I sniffed it and thanked her. It seemed <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">she had been listening to our conversation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Paul
tells me all about this,” she said, sitting down. “He says you are writer. I
like <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">reading very much. Maybe I can read something you write?
I would like this.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Maybe.”
I was flustered. My cheeks had begun to smart somewhat. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Paul
placed a hand on Magda’s cream sleeve. “All in good time, my sweet. The <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">master needs time and space to produce his tour de
force. Isn’t that right, matey?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Of
course, yes.” I tried to sound light-hearted, but my voice carried a distinct
tinge of hysteria.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“There
is something else important we need to discuss with you, Smithy. Isn’t that <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">right, Magda?” A nod of assent. “We’ve been
thinking, you see, how unfair it is that I should <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">be so happy and in love when you’re there on your
own, scribbling away. It doesn’t seem <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">right somehow.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><i>We’ve</i> been thinking. So Magda had been
made to pity me before we had even met.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“So,”
said Paul in the tone of a man about to give away his fortune, “we would like
to <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">take you to a place you might find rather
interesting, let’s say. Magda knows it well. It’s very <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">popular. Could be the secret to making your time in
this city that bit more special, if you <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">know what I mean.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09628374664785964053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2581971795204163714.post-64612372800021792542014-03-06T03:11:00.003-08:002014-03-12T05:04:17.879-07:00The Whys and Wherefores of an Accidental Blogger<br />
I've written a novel. This is something I have long wanted to be able to say, and now I can. It is 197,708 words long. It took me six years to write. Over a year ago, I put the final full stop to what felt like a more than passable draft. Never having been one for the hard slog, the sense of achievement I felt was unfamiliar and heady. The process had been slow. I certainly didn't rush it. There had been the usual wild swinging between ecstatic rapture and sickening self-doubt. There had been hours spent propped up on pillows in bed scribbling in notebooks, then a joyous slashing of superfluous material, and the lovely neatness of typed words. There had been the barely repressible hope that things might be slightly different afterwords. And for a while they were. I put that final full stop and for about an hour I was filled with ebullient relief. I had done it. I was someone who had actually written a novel. I was happy and satisfied and braced for the future. What praise was to come? What success? At what point was I going to be able to give up the day job?<br />
<br />
I've written a novel. It's still a pleasure to be able to say 'have' instead of 'want to' at parties, an almost harmless confidence boost. A small boast. I had read all the stuff about how tough it is for people starting out as writers these days, how brutal the landscape is out there. But I have long been expert at ignoring such things. I would get myself an agent without much fuss. I would get published too. And the day job, well, it would be thoroughly bearable, a trusty foil to the big, important stuff.<br />
<br />
Of course, it didn't take long for me to discover that my little boast was nothing more than a small child's scream in a full-blown hurricane. No-one really hears you. I have sent off my letters and synopses and extracts of the book and I have learned the jargon of literary rejection. 'We don't feel your book is...,' and all based on 50 pages. And the internet abounds with people in my predicament, slightly crazed and desperate, doing strange dances of self-promotion on the thin ledge of remaining hope. And you feel like you are waiting for a lover who´s never going to return home. You wait and you age. This sounds dramatic, yes, but time ticks by while you wait. Time ticks by and life congeals into a shape you might not necessarily have chosen.<br />
<br />
And how are you going to keep writing? You certainly don´t feel like you can quit that day job.<br />
<br />
When I started this blog, a mere three days ago, I did so partly in a spirit of cynical timidity. Slightly throwaway and flippant, as if I were too cool for it. And I´ve never been cool. I have, on the other hand, suffered from what often torments many a daydreaming drifter- that is: awkwardness, distractedness, a general bemusement at the workaday world. A person who is happy to sit in an empty room pulling words out of the air might well not have the mettle and chutzpah that the world of promotion and marketing seems to demand. I want someone to take my work from me and make something happen. I want to be able to wallow in shambolic musings, to stomp around cities with new scenarios playing through my head, to sit and put words down on paper or screen, a mug of tea lazily steaming at my side. I want things, I imagine them, and I worry.<br />
<br />
If you haven't been published, how do you know if you're any bloody good?<br />
<br />
The workaday world. The world of the nice and necessary and functional and measurable. I remember spending a morning watching interviews with Christopher Hitchens. He had just died. In one he says: 'One way to deal with contradiction is to admit it.' And here I freely admit it. Because I also only want to create work that speaks to me, that I might enjoy reading myself. I do not want to write something nice and salable, I do not want to appease the market. The market is like a strong animal that has been placed in a room shaped by the limited movements it has thus far made in its life. This doesn't mean that the animal might not one day want to stray further, to run, to dart about in unpredictable directions. I want you to like what I write and then I really don't care if you don't. I write from a need to connect with imagined worlds. The writing I love takes me somewhere I recognise but didn't realise existed- and it does. If it's been imagined, then it exists. The connection is necessary. It brings beauty where there might only be the workaday. And if I'm not published, I don't care.<br />
<br />
Proust says: '[The] labour of the artist to discover a means of apprehending beneath matter and experience, beneath words, something different from their appearance, is of an exactly contrary nature to...(and please excuse the brutal editing here!)...the terminology for practical ends which we falsely call life.' I loath boasting and arrogance. I feel very strongly that it is up to others to say whether you are any good or not. And this knowing humility can be crippling. I quote the great Proust here to show what it is I love about art and why I feel the pursuit of putting words together in different ways is worthwhile. We might just put them together in a way that goes beyond the constraints of conversation or essay or blogposts like this one. We might just be able to express part of the depth and scope that makes up a human being and cannot be put across in the normal codes of language. And so I won't say sorry. I want to the part of that. I want to try.<br />
<br />
And you might wonder what's the point of all this when the world is always teetering on the brink of destroying itself, when people are needlessly dying and Kim Jong Un is unleashing psychotic cruelty over the citizens in his care. Russia is posturing in Crimea, legs astride, hands on hips, ooh so very macho. And if we try to understand it all, we start unravelling a ball of string made up of human greed and cruelty and stupidity and selective faith. The workaday world. The world of 'terminology for practical ends.' So why sit in your bedroom writing about why you like writing? What good can that possibly do?<br />
<br />
In his book Straw Dogs, a book with which some people take highly defensive issue, John Gray says: 'We cannot be rid of illusions. Illusion is our natural condition. So why not accept it?' This seems clear to me. Everything we chase after and strive for, kill, maim and torture for, is ultimately a figment of the imagination. You think you own your house and garden but no-one can really own a piece of the earth. It's just a game we're really really keen on and so we pretend that it's true. You can't control other people. They'll tell you they believe what you want them to believe, they'll put their bodies where you want them to, but you aren't in control. The most you can do is break them, but that's not the same thing. And so, if all this is imaginary, then surely we can only get away from it through the imagination? How else can we understand what it is to be someone else but through the exercise of our imaginations? The solitary act of connecting with imaginary worlds is also an act of empathetic connection with all human beings. Empathy, I say, which can be very different indeed from it's cousin, sympathy. To know what it is like. Don't we all have that curiosity somewhere?<br />
<br />
I am not a high flyer. My CV shows a drifting life. I certainly don't claim to be remotely intellectual. I write from the imagination and I write about the people who are never quite going to make it. I am interested in the people who have hopes for a better, bigger, happier life but can't quite get that. It seems that an awful lot of us are in that position. And we want to be heard. Things like this blog allow us to be heard. We wait for an agent, a publisher, a magazine to get back to us. But we won't let them be in charge of anything. We won't submit to the workaday world.<br />
<br />
A bit more from Marcel: 'The only voyage of discovery...(ahem)...would be not to visit strange lands but to possess other eyes, to behold the universe through the eyes of another, of a hundred others, to behold the hundred universes that each them beholds, that each of them is.' He had to pay from his own pocket for the publication of the first volume of his great work.<br />
<br />
I read pieces in newspapers where writers talk about where they write. They rent offices, have rooms devoted to that purpose, they have sheds in their gardens. Cork-lined rooms? I write wherever I can- on public transport, at work, in bed, on the toilet. I will keep writing. We should all keep on writing. I have got a new selection of exercise books and every morning I try to scribble something in them. I drink tea. I muse. I try not to think about the hours of jobwork ahead. Who knows how many years it will be until I can go to parties and correct myself when I stray into boasting? 'I've written a novel,' I'll say. Then, 'No, hold on, I've written two.'<br />
<br />
And there are many more. There will be many more.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09628374664785964053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2581971795204163714.post-57327549991822799282014-03-04T04:39:00.001-08:002014-03-12T05:05:09.425-07:00Our narrator gets a bit of part time work:<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The ugly boy sitting opposite me chewed wetly on his
pencil as he thought about what <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I had said. He removed it from his mouth, pulling
out a thin string of spit.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> “I’m
not entirely sure I agree with you,” he said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> “Well,
we all have our own opinions.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> “Hmmmn.
Bit of a truism.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> A
ginger-haired girl, thickly freckled, with pale sad eyes, snapped in my defence.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Greg. Why don’t you shut up?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> “Okay,
let’s just trade clichés then.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> “I
think this aggression is somewhat inappropriate,” I said, dreading having to
get <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">angry.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> The
ginger girl spoke up again. “Maybe he’s saying that you seem not to like the <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">book, sir. But our other teacher, she had a lot to
say in favour of it, you see, and, well, we <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">mostly ended up agreeing with her.” The girl was
shy. It cost her a lot of effort to say this, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">and there was a tell-tale tremor in her voice.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> “It’s
more than that,” said Greg, staring resolutely at his desk. “You don’t seem to
be <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">able to separate yourself from the times you live
in, sir. You’re probably jaded from teaching <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">this book too often. We can understand that. But
with literature it’s imperative that you put <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">yourself into the correct historical context,
wouldn’t you agree? It would be criminal not to <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">celebrate the book as a triumph of moral courage.
That’s the point I want to make.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> “Well
stated,” I said, and hoped we might move on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> There
were just ten pupil in the class, and for the first half an hour they had sat <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">watching me in an atmosphere of quiet tension. I was
relieved to see that none of them were <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">pretty- I would be able to go through the rather
tedious motions without forming any <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">emotional attachments. Chilly indifference I could
cope with. This need to challenge and <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">claim territory now being displayed, on the other
hand, presented a far more troublesome <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">issue.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> A
girl piped up from the back of the room. A sickly thing- pallid, hair lank and <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">colourless, a delicate sprinkling of pimples, small
glasses. There was a jarring American <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">twang to her vowels and some of her consonants
refused to leave her tongue without a bit of a <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">struggle. A near approximation of a native English
speaker.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“We
talked a lot about moral courage and the strength that Jane shows. It’s easy to
be</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">cynical but I think it’s a very beautiful book.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> There
were a few mumbles of what sounded like agreement, although most of the <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">pupils were keeping themselves distant from proceedings,
pretending not to see or hear what <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">was happening, much like those gatherings of
bystanders when a mugging takes place- <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">turning their heads away, frightened of the
consequences of involvement.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> I
should have left the subject alone, only I was becoming incensed by the pious
look <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">the girl was wearing on her pimpled face. I asked
her where she thought Jane got her strength <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">from- “Is it actually her own?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> The
girl blushed in ugly mottles: “From God,” she said. “She gets it from God.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Did
I raise an eyebrow? Did I make a sound? I thought I was exercising great
control <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">in repressing my reactions, yet still the poisonous
Greg was able to divine them. Perhaps he <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">had developed extra-sensory perception to compensate
for his lack of chin, for the unsightly <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">fuzz, for the yellow-tipped spots?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> “It
is still possible to believe, you know. You can be clever and have faith.
They’re <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">not mutually exclusive at all. It’s happened
throughout history. There’s nothing ridiculous in <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">taking strength from God. And sir, you do remember
where we are, don’t you? You know <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">what percentage of the population here is Catholic?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> I
stared at him blankly. Was this what Sylvia Reid had meant when she used the <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">expression ‘exacting?’ Some little oik trying to show
off? I refused to answer him. People <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">who wield opinions like weapons and can call on a
vast array of knowledge to aid their <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">belligerent cause have always intimidated me. When I
was younger I had attempted to <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">develop some opinions, but I had long since stopped
bothering. To have opinions, one needs <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">to believe in something a little bit. It wasn’t for
me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> “Well,
you all seem very familiar with this book. Perhaps we should move on.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> “So
that’s it then?” continued Greg. “You’re not going to justify what you said? A <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">cosy</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">
novel you called it.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> I
had no memory of saying such a thing but, there again, from the moment I
entered <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">the room I had been operating through a sickly film
of panic, trying my best to sound <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">authoritative, trying not to bolt out the door. I
was not used to pupils listening to what I had to <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">say.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> A
deep breath: “I’m not interested in arguing about these things. Perhaps someone
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">else might have something to say. I assume your last
teacher discussed feminist takes on the <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">novel?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> “She
brushed over them as quickly as she could.” A new voice, somewhere to my left. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">A girl with a bowl haircut that hid her eyes. Next
to her sat a scrawny chap with round <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">glasses and a big smirk on his mouth. “Gosia,” he
said in a whiney voice, the sarcasm badly <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">hidden, “surely you’re not going to be nasty about
our lovely Miss Sledzic?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> “Well,”
she said, “being in a serious car crash doesn’t make you any more clued up <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">about feminist theory. Nor does it make any less
conventional and quaint, for that matter.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> The
pimpled Christians coughed and muttered and an eerie silence stole across the <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">room, a quickly thickening freeze. I shuffled the
pile of papers given to me by the head of <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">department.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> “Okay
then. Maybe we should take a look at some possible essay titles.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09628374664785964053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2581971795204163714.post-60361905603169433972014-03-03T04:00:00.000-08:002014-03-21T02:02:40.426-07:00<br />
<br />
<b style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Never Talk To Strangers On The Train</span></b><br />
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<b style="line-height: 21.299999237060547px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">What's in the box?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">In the box? </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Down there.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Down here?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Yes, the box with the chains.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Oh, you mean the casket!</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">The casket?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">The casket with the chains and the window.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">There's a window? </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Yes. On the other side. It's only small.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">What's in it?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">In the window?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">No, in the casket with the chains.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Oh, in the casket. Why, there's a baby in there.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">A baby?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Yes, a baby.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br style="line-height: 21.299999237060547px;" /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br style="line-height: 21.299999237060547px;" /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Why a baby?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">It's too spectral for out here.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Too what?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Too spectral.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Too ghoulish?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">No, too ghostly for this air.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">And it sleeps in there?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Oh, it exists in there.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Can I see it?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I wouldn't dare. Not yet.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">What does it look like?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Colour or shape? </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">You choose.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Well, when it breathes in it's purple.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I see.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">And when it breathes out it's green.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br style="line-height: 21.299999237060547px;" /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br style="line-height: 21.299999237060547px;" /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">My my. And the shape?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Well, it fits pretty snug.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Has it got all of its bits?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">It's bits?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">It's limbs I suppose- it's fingers and toes.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Oh no. It needs none of those. It's got a mouth, though.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Do you feed it? </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Feed and water through a tube.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Through a tube?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">A clear rubber tube through the window you see.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Has it got eyes?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br style="line-height: 21.299999237060547px;" /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br style="line-height: 21.299999237060547px;" /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Oh, big bulbous things. But not much light. There's no need.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Is it yours?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Is your question real?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Did you make it?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I found it after a swift sleep.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">When you awoke?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">After a tunnel like this. We were near Paddington. It was raining.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Like today?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br style="line-height: 21.299999237060547px;" /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br style="line-height: 21.299999237060547px;" /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">A thin drizzle, yes. I was going to the hospital. I found it on my knee.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">You were ill.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I was hearty.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm sickening myself.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Hmmm. Yes, I see, I see.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Are you my consultant?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br style="line-height: 21.299999237060547px;" /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br style="line-height: 21.299999237060547px;" /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">For that lump thing that's constant?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">For my throat that's tumescent.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Indeed that is me.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br style="line-height: 21.299999237060547px;" /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br style="line-height: 21.299999237060547px;" /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">And the baby?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">The baby?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Will you let me see it?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I already told you it's not quite the time.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">And the chains?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">What of them?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Is it appropriate for an infant whose committed no crime?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">But it couldn't just sit on my knee.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Too ghostly.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Too ghostly by half.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br style="line-height: 21.299999237060547px;" /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br style="line-height: 21.299999237060547px;" /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Is it getting any bigger?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">The baby or the lump?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Is my lump my baby?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">No, I can measure it with my thumb.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Is it you that will help me?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Are you forgetting to breathe?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 22.719999313354492px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 22.719999313354492px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 22.719999313354492px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">How many more tunnels are there?</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Do you want to cry, my baby?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">The windows are warping.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Breathe in, yes, breathe in.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br style="line-height: 21.299999237060547px;" /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br style="line-height: 21.299999237060547px;" /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I don't know what the colours are.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 22.719999313354492px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Purple my most protected.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Are my eyeballs bloody bulging?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.111112594604492px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 22.719999313354492px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Exhale for your daddy- breathe out green.</span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09628374664785964053noreply@blogger.com0